Why You Are Wrong About My Parenting
I am SO tired of everyone’s comments on my parenting, and apparently, I’m not the only one. Being a part of a few crunchy/natural-style parenting groups on Facebook, I see it every day. The mom crying for help because she is tired of arguing with everyone about her parenting style. I’m not sure why everyone is extra keen on commenting on the mom who is trying attachment or gentle parenting, but it needs to stop. And here is why.
1. You don’t know my kid
First off, I am the mom and know my child best. I spend basically all my time with this human and know all about her. I think you, who has never met my kid or only seen her a few times, have no reason to think you somehow know what is better for her than me.
2. No, I’m not spoiling my kid
If you’ve read any current research on parenting or child development, you would know how important attachment is. I am focusing on my child’s attachment and well-being, and no, I am not spoiling her. Love does not spoil a child, got it?
3. No, my child will not be stuck to me forever
Do you know what doesn’t make needy kids? Kids with their needs met. Meeting my kid’s needs (physically and emotionally) will enable her to feel more able and independent in the world. She doesn’t need to learn to be without me, she needs to learn that she is safe and cared for in the world so she can pursue her own life and not worry about her needs being met.
4. I Need Support
Parenting is hard enough. Even if I was doing something wrong, criticizing me is not the way to help. Present me with your reasoning and maybe we can talk, but in the end, what I really need to be a better mom is support, not your advice.
5. It Feels Wrong
Even if I decided to suddenly follow your parenting advice, I wouldn’t be okay. I parent from the gut and do what I feel is best and natural, so if I follow your advice now I know I wouldn’t feel like myself.
6. I Didn’t Ask.
Need I say more?
“Motherhood: All the love begins and ends there.” ― Nitya Prakash
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My mother in law in Hispanic and she has 6 kids. She’s always telling me to feed my 4 month old water and honey. I don’t agree. All I give him is breastmilk and he is a healthy 12 pounds! I try to respect her but I HATE how she makes me feel. I’m gonna do what I want. Sorry if this sounded like a rant.. it kinda is. These feelings are fresh.. lol
Yes mama! That’s exactly why I wrote this!
Yesss. You said what I’ve often wanted to say! 😂
Woo! So happy you relate.
LOL, I can feel by your post that you had enough!
Be honest with people, let them know that it’s not any of their business, and you can raise your child with the way you want to!the truth is every kid is different and also every mom is different too! Just enjoy the journey and raise your kid the way you feel will benefit him the most !
Thank you for sharing this!
Yes! I’m definitely very vocal and stern about not letting others intervene on my parenting but know so many mother’s who aren’t. Thanks for the support!
It’s one thing if you ask for advice, a completely different thing if someone just forcibly gives it to you. Not gonna say people don’t pass judgments when they see you parenting in public, but keep your comments to yourself. Everyone is in a different situation and does things differently. There is no golden book of parenting, that doesn’t exist.
So true. We can only do what we feel is best our own babies.
#6 For. The. Win. haha I love this post. It’s so true. I don’t know why women feel that they are supposed to be your pregnancy mentors just because they have had children before you. It’s a journey, one that should be figured out along the way unless you ask for help 🙂
Thank you for the support! Right! Lol just because you did it doesn’t mean you magically did it all right! I actually laugh every time someone (usually an older woman) tried to give me advice. I have a master’s degree and have been in the child development field for 7 years, I don’t think I need your advice 🤷
I hate when people, usually a close family member like my mom, will make a comment on my parenting. I often hear “that’s not the way I did it when I raised you…” It’s very frustrating. Or if I call to vent to her about something I’ll get “well I don’t know what to tell you, I didn’t have to deal with that”. I wish she could just understand that sometimes I just want to vent and that I’m not always asking for advice. The ironic thing is that she will make comments to me about my parenting, but if I show a concern about my niece or nephew she is quick to remind me that everyone parents different.
Such a great point. I think it’s attachment parents feel like we can never vent about the hard times because lots of people think we’re “doing it the hard way.” Thank you for sharing your experience!
I’m an attachment parent as well! All of these points are great! I always say kids don’t spoil, fruit does.
Yes! Why are we all so quick to tell each other what to do instead of offering support? We are all doing what we know to be best for our situation and our child’s benefit.
This post is an entire mood!!
Say it louder for the people in the back!
Very well articulated mama, look forward to reading more
Right! Thanks for the support!